The Tearing Guilt of Coronavirus

This pandemic has us all anxious and afraid. How do we keep ourselves safe? How do we keep our families safe? Can we be the loving family members we want to be if we aren’t able to be there for those we love?

For me, the COVID virus has brought on a whole new sense of anxious Catholic guilt. Italian Catholic, “you need to be a good girl” guilt.

I’m the oldest daughter of a 90-year-old Mom. She’s one of the very lucky ones; she is still relatively healthy, and she still lives in her very own home. In spite of her increasing physical fragility and a case of slowly advancing dementia, her kids have managed to do what it takes to keep Mom in the home where she has lived since 1960. The home where she and my Dad raised the six of us and hosted a thousand family parties and dinners. The home that three of her married kids came home to with our children and spouses in tow as we struggled to get on our feet.

She is frail now. In need of help to carry out her daily life. We have a wonderful woman who lives with Mom five days a week and keeps her fed and safe and clean and amused.

But on the other two days, Mom needs her kids to help her. She can’t be left alone at all anymore.

I’m her oldest daughter.